27 August 2011

Hitmen are Expensive

"Re post this if you know someone who is still alive because you can't afford a hit man." Said the facebook update on my brother's status. 

So, of course, I did. Who doesn't have someone on a secret list in their brain, that they maybe really want to kill, but they possibly find that they lack the testicular muscle to actually do it.?


The perfect solution to this lack of certain personality defects traits that one MUST possess to be a hit man... Murder for hire. 

Certain sociopaths people will perform this labor for another person in return for payment. Right?

Except lately, the hit men have organized, I think. They are union shops now. Skilled labor, hours of training, on the job and in the classroom. Also they are paid fair wages, have benefits and a retirement package. 

Now, I am all about unionizing. I have a long family history of union workers.Unfortunately, this organizing of hit men has left me few options in hiring someone to clear the list of names that I may have in my brain. Because skilled labor costs more. These  newer, better, more expensive hit men are outside of my budget. 

I could possibly hire a crackhead... but then who really trusts a crack head to perform quality labor? Plus there would be a greater risk of blackmail when utilizing a crack head as a hit man. I think. There are probably contracts and stuff if you go to a union shop. 

The people on this supposed list that I allegedly have in my mind?
Are safe. 

In any case, it started me thinking.. which is almost never a good thing. This brain I have, just runs away with stuff. 

Because what if everyone has this imaginary list in their heads too? What if everyone had just one person in mind that they would like to see tortured sadistically until they plead for death dead? 

If everyone had just that one person killed? We could call it population control. Right? Or am I way off base here? 

Because if it is population control, we could probably classify it as a public service. Which would make them less like individual companies and more like... garbage men or something.

And if you are poor, the garbage truck still takes your garbage, right? So, there could possibly be some sort of public aid to help pay for the hit men. Because population control is probably really important, or will be someday, with global warming and food shortages and all those starving kids in foreign countries and all of those cows that produce all of that methane when they fart. See? Less people = less cows = less methane = an end to global warming! Ta. Da. Someday people? I am going to run for office or have an office... or maybe just write a letter to an office somewhere. There will be an office involved.. somehow.

And yes, I am in counseling.

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