21 September 2011

There Will Be No Spelunking Here

My friend H? He knows me better than I know me sometimes. So, when I told him the other day that I was going to go back down to Southern Indiana to see those damn caves, his first question was:

"Why Krissy? What's up your ass?"

This loosely translates to What's the matter Krissy? Why are we running away?

It is a logical question if you know me, but this time, I just wanted to ride the bike. No running. No hiding.

"Nothing H. Why? Am I sitting funny?" I ask him as K and D walk in the door.

"Why would you be sitting funny Krissy?" D asks me.

"I don't know. H thinks there is something in my butt."

K giggles. "We are going... spelunking."

"What! No. No, K. We are absolutely not going spelunking. I don't want to go in the caves, just see the caves. I am not big on underground."

D laughs as well. "No. Not the caves Krissy. We are going to go spelunking and see what it is in your ass."

This does not sound appealing to me, but it paints a hell of a mental image in my head. 

I say nothing. They say lots.

"We will have to get gear." D says as H walks away.

"Yeah, we should probably leave bread crumbs in case we get lost." K says so matter of factly that I get caught up in the conversation despite myself. 

"Ahem. There are no breadcrumbs silly. They would get eaten by animals or covered in guapo or something. Probably just have to run a cord to the entrance." Because, for an instant I have forgotten that we are talking about my ass. 

D and K snicker and M joins in. " Holy shit, you have bats in your ass?" M asked right as H walked around the corner. H looks puzzled and turns around without speaking a word.

"See what you started H?" I yell after him, "Now they think they are going to go spelunking in my ass. Which is preposterous really. I mean, I don't even have an ass. They are not going to fit. Plus, they want to take a canary in with them, something about deadly gases. I do not want a canary in my asscave."

"We have to take a canary with us. Otherwise? We might die." D does not want to die in my ass.

"Oh right, I remember now. Like that one time... when they had to send a rescue mission in to K's asscave... thought that was a collapse though."

D is smart. D can switch directions without stumbling at all. "Nope." He says, all kinds of serious. "They didn't have a canary, remember?"

I laugh. K crinkles his forehead up.

"Hey, Krissy. What the hell? How did we go from your ass to my ass."

I shrug and smile and extract myself from the conversation while D goes on and on about the Chinese miners that are maybe dead in K's asscave. 

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