17 May 2012

I'm A Female And I Still Don't Understand This Shit

Ugh. Stop staring at the boobs I am shoving in your face, you jerk.
"My eyes are up here, you know."
Yes they are.
And probably people would pay more attention to them if your shirt wasn't cut down to your fucking belly button.
What is wrong with you?
Do you really believe that no one knows you do that on purpose?
You know what you're doing.
I know what you're doing.
Everyone in the whole world knows what you are doing.
If you are going to put your shit out there like that? Don't bitch because people notice.

"My boss sexually harassed me..."
Oh yeah?
How so?
Did he threaten your job?
Did he threaten your position, or make a promotion dependent on your willingness to put out?
Oh. He hit on you.
There is difference between flirting and sexual harassment.
You are the reason that no one takes the shit seriously.

"Ugh. She's such a slut/whore/homewrecker/bitch..."
Um. Okay.
All this tells me is that you are comfortable judging someone else because you recognize pieces of yourself in their behavior or personality. 
I'm not a shrink or anything... But most of the time when I see people that hate other people without cause, it's because shit hits a little too close to home.

Don't get pissed off at some girl for flirting with your boyfriend/husband...
If your relationship is so insecure that you think flirting might lead to some midnight tryst - leave the guy. 
I mean if you really, really think that your boyfriend is going to sleep with the Denny's waitress just because she smiled at him and he smiled back?
What the fuck are you doing with the guy?
Have a little self respect, woman. 

"Plus he has a little dick/sucks in bed.."
Someone is still a wee bit bitter over being dumped, eh?

Stop playing dumb.
Just fucking stop it.
When did stupidity become attractive?
It's never been attractive and you make me want to beat you with a blunt object.
To death.
If a guy gives you the impression that he would rather have a drooling moron for a companion than an intelligent woman?
Run the fuck away.
There is nothing good about any person that seeks a relationship on the basis of superiority.
I don't care how hot/rich/charming the guy is, he's obviously a  douche bag.

I hope she's playing dumb... But even if she isn't? This is the kind of jack off that likes stupid girls. And someone should beat him to death. Slowly.

To all the women trying to be men....
Fucking stop it!
Yeah, yeah, women can do anything men can do...
Except not always.
I am all down for equality and all that shit...
But if a woman wants to do a man's job she should have to do it to the same standards as the men.
I simply do not understand the practice of making adjustments or lessening physical requirements in the name of equality...
Isn't that the opposite of equality, by definition?
Or am I just fucked up?


  1. Oh my god I love this. I'm totally a chick and into men but I think I kinda love you a little for this. LOL Reading this made me happy because I kept thinking TRUTH!! over and over with every post. And yeah, I like to show off my rack. But I don't care if they look. Look all you like boys enjoy seeing them while they're still hot. LOL Thanks so much for saying this. It needed to be said!

  2. Will you marry me?

    --Beer Drinking, Gun-loving Studly Fanbase

    1. Beer? Guns? And hot? Absolutely. Wait. Shit. I'm already married. Damnit.

  3. Smart girls are attractive. Thanks.

  4. I got the smartest woman in the world (why is she with me?) and I would not trade her for 10,000 of the best you could come up with. I tell her she should keep her eyes open for a trade up. She tells me to mind my own business. 40years and counting.

    1. That's great, John. Seriously, I love hearing things like this... gives me some hope for humanity. :-)

  5. Well, well put. Especially, coming from a chick. Kudos.

  6. Preach it! I couldn't even make it all the way through the video, I had an overwhelming urge to beat them both with a shovel.

    1. I know exactly how you feel. I sincerely hope someone makes a complete ass out of that man and puts in on youtube for the entire world to see.

  7. BRAVO!!! This blog lays it down in a way that only a woman can get away with pointing out. I write a humor blog and the amount of hate email that flows from sometimes hinting at some of this is incredible. I wrote one recently that got me called "misogynistic", when I am anything but. http://bittermac.com/the-game-of-sex-is-an-old-one/ Light reading, hope you like it, Krissy. Thank you for this one.

    1. I loved it! And I read a few of your others... awesomeness. By the way - shit-tip might be my newest favorite word. Along these same lines? http://krissyaguilar.blogspot.com/2012/04/dear-random-drunk-broken-girls-more.html

  8. Mind if I qualify one?
    "If a guy gives you the impression that he would rather have a drooling fucking moron for a companion than an intelligent woman?
    Run the fuck away."

    Plenty of guys like drooling fucking morons who are hot. To fuck. No harm, no foul.
    So how 'bout this:
    "If you want to be the hot drooling fucking moron some guy fucks, shut up abut it when he fucks you and treats you like a hot drooling fucking moron."

    Great post.

    1. Ha! Truth... "I just don't know why I can't find a good man..."

  9. Loved, loved, loved your post! Guys can't say that kind of thing because it is misogynist instead of just fucking logical.

    Bless you for the truth!

  10. Oh. He hit on you.
    There is difference between flirting and sexual harassment you dumb ass.

    So how do you know you won't loose your job if you don't reciprocate?

    1. You don't know, and you can't crawl into the guy's head to find out. That's not a reason to be oversensitive about it, or claim that it's harassment.

      If you don't reciprocate and you lose your job because of it, that's when you start calling HR and saying, "this is what happened. Fix it, get rid of him, hire me back, or I will sue you."

      If there's no HR or no higher up or anyone else you can call, you can skip right to the lawsuit and you're better off not being there anyway.

      Fear of job loss is not a reason to act like an oversensitive moron. Actual job loss for refusing the advances of a boss is actual sexual harassment and should be dealt with accordingly.

    2. This right here is why Melody Byrne is in the top of the most amazing women I've never met. Tough as nails, smart as a whip, and has decent taste in men. ;)

      And, judging from this post, she's in good company. Nice to meet you, Krissy! Gonna start reading more of your blog now.


    3. Agreed. I wouldn't have been able to come up with a rational counter. I'd have probably just called the guy names or something. Melody is awesome.

  11. Brava.

    For the record, I and my wife teach Women's Self-Defense. We make it a habit to offer 'family discounts' (Mom and daughter). The reason we do this is it makes the classes less age and ideologically 'centric.'

    A bunch of young, 'I should have the right to do anything I want' people in a class room is never a good idea. Older, more experienced women being in the same room say "Oh no you don't" to that kind of attitude.

  12. Huzzah! I married a smart, strong woman that wants an equal marriage and can't stand dealing with other women's drama. On the other side of the coin, when you find one; pull your weight, men. Don't be a dick.

  13. C. S. P. SchofieldMay 18, 2012 12:12 AM

    I have a little request of all your female readers;

    If you don't want me to stare at them, don't print on them.

    I'm a compulsive reader.

  14. Okay.

    You're awesome.

    I'm totaly linking this blog in tomorrow morning's post.

    Keep it up.

  15. This comment has been removed by the author.

  16. Great Post ... (here via Irons in the Fire)

  17. Great post :) reposted :) I stopped by via Irons in the fire as well.

  18. Yes Mam, I dated a girl who Sid the same stuff, then wanted me tothe protect her honor. It didn't last..... Thank you, your spot on......;-)

  19. Oh ya, if I wasn't engaged, I'd ask you to marry me!!!!
    I finally got a girl who gets it like you....... ;-)

  20. Amen! Yep, also from Irons in the Fire.

  21. Thanks to everyone that has reposted this! I haven't had this much of a response to any post. ever.

    1. Not that you'll get anything resembling an Instalanche for this, but this post gets you added to the Spatula City BBS! blogroll.


  22. I love your blog. I also really wish I wouldn't have watched that video. :)