T tells me that he has heard the most interesting story on the news.. something about a guy that comes home drunk, strips naked and then tells his girlfriend to get naked and meet him in the middle of the street because they are going to have a naked sword fight to the death. The guy grabs his actual fucking sword and goes out into the road to wait for his girlfriend to join him.
Meanwhile, the girlfriend locks all the doors and windows and calls the cops.
The moral of this story?
T thinks he is not receiving the full effects of alcohol.
T can not remember the last time he drank a six pack and wanted to fight naked in the middle of the street.
I think probably this incident had something to do with bath salts.
I do not know exactly why I think this, but bath salts and stories of naked men wielding swords are inextricably linked in my brain.
T wonders if we should drink a six pack and then have a sword fight...being pirates and all.
But neither of us has a sword.
We do have pocket knives though.
But I think pirates should not have public pocket knife fights.
We would just look stupid.
Even fully clothed.
Fortunately, Youngest Child has lightsabers.
It is then, after one more shot of tequila, decided that we absolutely must go and steal lightsabers from Youngest Child and proceed to have a lightsaber fight to the death in the middle of some highway.
Not just in the middle of a residential road.
Because we are not pussies like that.
I think pirates are not the most trustworthy people in the world so I think I should probably have an extra weapon ready in case T wants to have a sword fight before we get to the lightsabers.
I slip a butter knife into my pocket and tell bossman he can just take the cost out of my check.
I don't think he heard me or knew what the hell I was talking about, but he nodded and smiled anyway.
I tell T we are not going to have naked fights. Because it's cold mostly, but also because we probably will get arrested for middle of the highway lightsaber fights, but at least we will not be arrested for indecent exposure at the same time.
T looks all incredulous.
He gestures to himself.
"Really? You think, if any cop sees me running down the highway nude, with a lightsaber, he is going to tackle me? I mean, really?"
I tell T that just this week I witnessed an episode of Cops that featured a nude man being tackled by a police officer.
I mention that the cops probably will not be so intimidated by a toy lightsaber.
I drink more.
T then decides that obviously, it was the rookie cop that had to tackle the naked guy... so we will just have to avoid rookie cops during our highway lightsaber fight.
I remind T that we are not going to be fighting nude.
T ponders again.
Then he decides that if we do get caught in a lightsaber highway fight?
He will strip naked and then run away.
Maybe just to prove that no one is willing to tackle him naked.
I tell him I will probably not get arrested in that case, as everyone will be focused on catching the naked guy.
T ponders some more.
It is then brought up that if we were ever in a horror movie and we were running away from the bad guy?
T would shoot me.
Just in the foot or something, give the bad guy something to do while T gets away.
I am confused by the sudden turn in conversation. I wonder out loud what the Hell pirates are doing in a horror movie anyway... I mean cross-genre is the newest thing, but no one is going to put pirates in a horror movie for fuck's sake.
I pretend to look offended and tell him that chivalry really must be dead.
T shrugs and mentions that someone has to survive in order to tell the story...