31 May 2012

Silly Boys; Bitchy Bartending and Pet Peeves

People ask me a lot what nationality I am. 
I do not know why. 
Sometimes, people assume that I am Greek. Or Spanish.
Which doesn't really bother me.
What bothers me is when they begin to speak Greek.
Or Spanish.
Out of the blue.
In the middle of a sentence.
Not that there is anything wrong with the language...but when people switch mid-sentence, I end up asking, "What?" about six times before I realize that they are not speaking English.
Knock that shit off.
Plus?
I have a freaking dream catcher tattooed on my arm.
Why are we assuming I am Greek?

"So. Are you coming home with me tonight?"
Ummm. No. No I am not.
While I appreciate the offer and everything?
Fuck off.
Has that ever worked for you?
Ever?

"Hey! Bartender!"
"Yep. Whatcha need?"
"My friend thinks you're hot."
Seriously?
Are you guys sure you are old enough to drink?


"Can I have your phone number?"
"No. But you can leave me yours..."
I only say that so that I don't offend you.
 Unless I actually save the number in my phone?
I am going to throw it away when you leave.


If I am talking to you at the bar and some guy wanders over and asks if I am your girlfriend... Don't answer until I do. 
Because if he's THAT guy?
 I am going to lie and tell him that you are.
I fully expect you to lie with me.


Do not flirt with me in front of your girlfriend.
It just lets everyone know what a douche bag you are, and we are all hoping your girlfriend ditches you for a real man soon.

Also?
On a completely unrelated to bartending note?
Why the fuck do you wear sunglasses on the back of your head.
First of all?
It's fucking dark outside.
Second?
It just looks stupid.
Really stupid.
Seriously. That looks incredibly stupid.

3 comments:

  1. I agree with the sunglasses on the back of the head thing. It looks stupid.

    ReplyDelete
  2. "Seriously. That looks incredibly stupid."

    For him, hindsight is 20/20 - with corrective lenses.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You have to cut the guy with the sunglasses some slack; after all, he's from southern California, he doesn't know any better.

    ReplyDelete