01 June 2012

Ass-less Ranting

I just saw on GBBL that it is National Donut day today. Which is awesome, because I was just about to post some nonsensical rant about donuts. 

Because just before I saw that donut thing, I saw this picture on Facebook.
Yeah, well. Fuck you too, Lady.
And this picture irritates the Hell out of me, because, obviously, I have no ass.
I have these ridiculous chicken-legs that are also distinctly NOT curvy.
The fact that I have some really awesome push-up bras is beside the point.
With out the push up bras, probably I could be mistaken for a 12 year-old.
The point is that I have been eating donuts like it's my goddamn job... and still I am unable to grow an ass!

So I see all these damn pictures and stuff on Facebook saying how curves are beautiful and how real women have curves, and I feel the need to justify my lack of curves.
I'm fairly thin.
I always have been.
I do not diet or puke after I eat. 
I work out once a year, on New Year's Day, before I promptly abandon any life improvement plans I made the night before. 
And I'm thinking?
How the Hell would everyone like it if I started putting pictures up and saying that real women have no curves and ribs sticking out, huh?
They would probably come and lynch me.
In any case, my point is... I get the whole everyone is beautiful just as they are and all that shit.
But the whole real women have curves thing?
Just makes me want to go out and buy padded underwear so that I can pretend that I have an ass. 
So while I am all down for building self-esteem and believe everyone is beautiful just as they are...
The whole curves campaign is backfiring in my little corner of the world.
I am off to eat more donuts now.
And google padded underwear.
This is a picture of my non-ass. With an Ass. Somewhere in Amish country.
Don't ask.


  1. If you want an ass that bad start dating one of them at the bar. If that is you with the four-legged ass, there is nothing wrong with yours. Quiet sexy by the way. So shut it.

  2. I thought you were egg-saturating.
    You weren't.

    Welcome to the club.

  3. I know a lot of women who would LOVE to have less ass. If people don't like it, t'hell with 'em.

  4. It's not the lack of ass, it's the stupid low-cut jeans that make everyone look assless...

  5. Krissy if you are going to show me your ass, at least put on your laundered ex's boxers for crying out loud....how am I supposed to be an umpire in this game???