10 June 2012

Road Trip Observations and Interpretations

In no particular order... things that occurred to me on our 1800+ mile marathon road trip...These are not to be confused with facts. 

South of Chicago? There is a whole lot of nothing to observe in Illinois, other than it is forever fucking long and flat. I suspect there is a single field that runs the entire length of the state.

Either Arkansas smells like shit, or Art had gas.

This is the first I have noticed highway signs that declare "STATE LAW" across the top. I have since noticed them in other states. Before I noticed them in other states, however, I could only draw one conclusion...
People in Louisiana? 
Like to fuck with people. 
They have to put STATE LAW on the top of the sign because probably Louisianans are prone to placing fake road signs on highways.

This wasn't a spontaneous conclusion. It began with the fact that all along the highway there are road work signs. The declare "Road Work in X miles" and then you drive X miles, carefully observing the reduced speed limit, only to discover there is no road work.
 So obviously? 
They are fucking with people.

Also? Every few miles, there are signs that say, "STAY OFF MEDIAN" which led me to ponder whether people in Louisiana commonly use the median for an extra lane.
 Then I noticed that there was a fence running through the median in places. This road, by the way, is somewhere near butt-fuck Egypt, Louisiana, so I am assuming that the local youth are not prone to loitering in the median...
So who the fuck is the sign for?

At the funeral home, there was a truck from Texas.
 It was the only out of state plate that I saw.
 In all of Louisiana.
So, obviously?
Only people from Louisiana drive to Louisiana. 

Puddles form spontaneously. 
Out of no where.
 Either that or it rains in tiny little circles in certain places.

In the states of Louisiana and Mississippi?
 You actually have to chew the air before you breathe it.

86 degrees in Mississippi is vastly different from 86 degrees in Tennessee.

I had expected to find people that spoke funny in Mississippi. I had expected to not be able to understand the accent. The only person I had trouble understanding was the Indian guy at the hotel's front desk.

Judging from my extended drive through the state?
 I can only assume that there is actually no law enforcement  there. 
 In the whole state.

Everything is bigger there. 
The bugs are more like small birds. 
They are also smarter, with an innate ability to strike the windshield right exactly in the center of my visual field. 
Without fail.
They do not have blood in them like our bugs do. They have some sort of blood/glue combination that can not be removed with windshield washer fluid and wipers. 
You should actually pack a chisel and hammer to travel through Mississippi.

The rain drops are huge. 
And fast. 
And they come right out of no where.
 It's all sunshine and birds singing and then you are a torrential downpour that rivals hurricanes.

They only the post the speed limit once in Tennessee. 
No one follows it. 
At all. 
I don't mean 5 miles over. I mean the limit is 55 and I was doing 70 and still getting passed. There are multiple possible reasons for this...

In Tennessee, you simply don't tell people what to do. I mean, you can, but they are going to do as they damn well please anyway.
So, I'm thinking the states posts the limit right at the state line with no actual intention of enforcing it.

Or, they have some sort of pack mentality... as in, if we are all doing 20 miles over the posted limit, who is the cop going to pull over?
 Safety in numbers and all that.

Bridges in Tennessee are more fun to drive over. I do not know why this is so, but they are...bouncy, for lack of a better word. I refuse to analyze whether this is due to the bridges needing repair.

That's about all I have for today, but surely more will occur to me later.


  1. Krissy, let me tell you that MsgtB is a frikkin troll hopin to one day get in your SugarBritches!
    He hates me because he knows that BRIGID is secretly infatuated with me instead of him!!!
    Listen, this guy plays with Army field gear in his basement in front of his young children and he was a Wingnut in the Air Force in the rear with the gear!!!

    How you like me now B ? Bring it....