02 July 2012

The moon is in the 7th House of Jack Off this month.

My horoscope says that the moon is entering my 7th House of Others.
I don't know what the fuck that means.
But I am reasonably sure that when the moon is in such a house, it is a bad sign for bartenders everywhere.

Every random thing I have ranted about on this blog?
Every random behavior?
Had them all in the last week, I think.
Must be the planetary alignment.
Or?
People have read these blogs and are going out of their way to be featured in them.
While no one actually had  sex in the bathroom?
They intended to and were interrupted.
No one left their tampon on the floor, but they left the wrapper.
The guy that wants a beer, and doesn't care which kind and them bitches because "Budweiser is the worst beer ever..." Guess he'll know what he wants next time, huh?
The "I don't know what I want, make me something fruity..."
The I am going to run your ass off ALL NIGHT LONG and not tip you a single fucking time.
The jackoff that wants to get involved in someone else's shit and then tell customers he knows the boss and will have them barred.
The "Can you actually put some liquor in my drink please..."
GUM in the ashtray, tobacco spit and cigarette butts in bottles.
And just when I was thinking, at least I didn't have to clean up puke... I did.
And then some I haven't bitched about yet....

"Hey! I gave you a fifty and you didn't give me my change."
Hmm. No, drunkass you did not give me a fifty. I mean normally, I am willing to consider than I saw it wrong and gave the wrong change...but there isn't a single fifty dollar bill in the drawer.
 Not one.
Also, you've been dropping your money all over the god damn floor and hopping from one bar to the other all night long, so I would assume that you spent it elsewhere.
When you wake up sober in the morning?
You will realize that you are a Jackoff.

Hey, that whatever that I ordered... I don't have any money, so just throw that on my tab, okay? I'll pay it later."
No, jackass.
First of all, no, just no. 
Second, you now owe me $10.00.

"I drank a whole bottle of rum before I got here!"
Fucking super, kid.
Go the fuck home.

The younger kids, screaming over the band.
Wrestling, yelling and just being overly obnoxious?
Please be aware of your environment.
You have every right to enjoy yourselves, but try to have a little respect.
If the band asks for a moment to make an announcement?
Lower your noise level a few octaves.
You don't have to listen and you don't have to care what they are announcing, but you should have the respect to let the announcement be heard by the rest of the bar.

Tip the band.
Yes, they get paid to perform.
But then, I get paid to sell beer.
Waitresses get paid to serve food.
If you like them?
If you listen to them all night, request songs and enjoy yourselves?
Give credit where it is due and throw a five or ten in the tip bucket.
A dollar even.
Tips keep us above the poverty line.
Barely.

"I know you called last call, but can a get a...."
No, it is 3:15 in the morning.
That is the fucking point of last call.

"How much is a ...."
$5
"$4.00?"
No, five dollars.
"4.00?"
I don't have time to barter the shit.
I'm agreeing and paying the extra dollar just to get you to shut up.

"Do you have Smirnoff White Grape vodka?"
And then a roll of the eyes and I hear you bitching about your service...
Go the fuck home.
It is not my fault we do not have that particular flavor of vodka.
I don't order the shit.
We have at least twenty fucking flavored vodkas, pick a different one.
Furthermore?
You're a jack off.

That's all for now.
Venting complete for the day.
I think.

4 comments:

  1. I tried some Banana Vodka and kinda liked it. But I will stick to beer. Being a bartender has to be the hardest job in the world...dealing with, not only dumb ass, but drunk dumb asses.

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    1. Actually, I'm pretty fortunate to be able to say that I really love my job. It's not so much like work most of the time.
      It's like any other job I guess, with good and bad things to put up with...

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  2. I'm guessing that when you can't get the horse to pee in the bottle of Smirnoff, you go for the next best flavor: grapes.

    Really, there should be a law against some flavors.

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    Replies
    1. God yes... Like whoever decided that putting coconut flavor in 1800 Silver would be a good idea? I want to find them and beat them.

      The most irritating thing was that we have maybe five different grape vodkas... just not Smirnoff White Grape.

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