02 July 2012

We learned the Golden Rule in Kindergarten for God's Sake...

I try to be a good person.
I'm honest.
I don't fuck people over.
I do not steal from people.
I do not expect a god damn thing that I don't work for.
I do not believe that I am entitled to a fucking thing.
If I like you, if I believe in you, I will do any and every thing possible to help you.
I am a fiercely loyal person when I believe in something.
In someone.
I do not expect people to believe that about me when they don't know me.

I expect people to question my motives.
The sad but true fact is that people pretty much suck.
A lot of people will lie, steal and cheat if it benefits them.
I am not one of them.
I do not believe that true success, happiness or contentment can be acheived by stepping on the faces of people around you.
But only time can prove that.
There is no secret way of determining whether someone is worthy of your trust.
So, while I know that I am doing the right thing, I expect people to wonder about my motives and morals for a time.
It does not hurt my feelings.
People can test me.
Question me.
And I will answer and not be the slightest bit offended by the scrutiny.

To a point.

I will not continue to prove myself indefinitely.
I am sick and goddamn tired of placing my faith and my energy into people that are either unwilling or incapable of recognizing it.
It is exhausting.
And stressful.
And, simply put, it's unfair.
I will gladly give people everything I have and expect very little back...for a time.
After a good amount of time, though, not knowing where you stand with a person is pretty goddamned discouraging.

At some point, when you continue to give someone the benefit of the doubt, and they don't do the same, you  simply have to quit.
When I begin to feel taken advantage of, lied about or to...
When someone wonders about my motives consistently , either silently or to a third party without questioning me face to face...
When the, Jesus Christ what the fuck do I have to do to show you that I am who I am and not what you fear I am hits?
To hell with it.

There's no point in feeling constantly insecure and scrutinized.
If by that point, you can not see me for who I am?
Fuck off.

You have now lost my trust and I give it freely.
Some people believe that makes me naive, my willingness to take people at face value and give them my trust and my loyalty.
To accept and forgive their distrust.
The expectation that time will prove truth.
I am not naive.
I recognize a lost cause when I see one.
It saddens me, but it doesn't change the way I treat other people.
I won't let it.

I will continue to treat people the way that I want them to treat me.
I will be honest and upfront, because that's how people should be.
Many of them are not, but I will continue to believe they are until they have shown me otherwise.



4 comments:

  1. You being true and loyal to yourself and others is something that I always respected about you! Don't give up and I know you won't. We have to stay strong to who we are regardless to how many people will try and take us down in our lifetime. I know I have been struggling as well lately BUT>>>I just pray that those people who know me...know better, and those who don't...well, I would hope they would give me the benefit of the doubt and at least ask me before judging. As we all know though, in today's time it is so much easier to fall to the gossip and run with it...what a shame...Love ya girl!!!

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  2. Soooo...the bottom line is, you wore a new outfit to work and no one noticed. Damn! I hate it for you.

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  3. I know (sort of) how you feel. Even my wife says I can be "too nice" and "too honest". And on those occasions when I get burned (not too often, since I'm being honest), I only rant for a few minutes how that will be the last time that happens. Then I calm down and realize that I'm not going to change. One, I'm too old and set in my ways. Two, I don't really want to change that behavior, because I would then be someone I don't like. So "gird your loins" and keep fighting the good fight. (Of course, tying a drunk's shoelaces together while he is dozing is not something a responsible bartender would do. Being neither, it made me laugh when I woke them up and the inevitable happened. Having a nasty imagination soothes a lot of things.)

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