06 August 2012

Jackoff - Detailed Example #1: The Insufferable Jackoff

He's not good looking, or he is mediocre in appearance.
He has an over-inflated sense of importance.
He is loud and obnoxious even before his first drink.
He can not imagine that any woman would not want to go home with him.
He is offended by the idea that this bartender has no clue who he is or what band he once played with.
He is further offended by my refusal to give him my phone number and my inability to remember his name on his second visit.
He is further angered when he is told to shut the fuck up and stay out of any fight taking place outside.
Shutting the door on him when he attempts to interfere leads to hours of ranting and raving with in my earshot but not to my face directly.
He hassles the band, and anyone else he perceives as weaker; older people, much younger people, smaller people.
He is mysteriously well-behaved and silent when anyone else is involved.
He claims to have a whole bunch of money, but he begs drinks off of other people.
He claims to have "done time".
Says he cannot appear in any photos at a bar.
Claims to be on parole.
He has a public facebook page full of pictures of himself at various bars.
He can't stand me.
Hasn't liked me since I asked him, in all seriousness, whether his "So... you taking me home with you tonight?" line had ever gotten him laid. 
Ever.
He probably hates me now.
I continue to serve him when he comes in, but it is readily apparent that I can not stand him.
He is all smiles and politeness since realizing that I want to hit him with a full bottle of liquor.
He will talk and talk and talk to anyone that will listen until someone disagrees with him.
Then he is sullen and silent until he finds a new audience.
He pouts, like a spoiled child.
He says he used to be a bouncer, somewhere.
He leaves the bar with an open beer, fully aware that this is illegal.
He maybe thinks that laws and rules do not apply to him, since he is so fucking special.
He is going to get his ass handed to him someday, and I sincerely hope I will be there to see it.


8 comments:

  1. I have a very strong feeling I know exactly who this guy is. Pretty sure I've served (a.k.a. mildly tolerated) him too. And for that, I say kudos to you. :)

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    1. If that's the case, my sincerest apologies for your bad fortune. :-) Pretty sure we all know a guy like that... but that dude really really sucks.

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  2. That just described 90% of the male bar population....married and single

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  3. That just described 90% of the male bar population....married and single

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  4. Funny...I don't remember ever going to your bar...

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  5. I find it hard to believe there are women out there that don't want to take me home. ;)

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