With limited explanations and completely out of context...
"I'm not very good at relationships... You know, I don't mind if they stay the night, but I just... I just don't want to have to make them toast in the morning."
"Why the hell would someone do that? Who wants to look like Justin Beiber on purpose? I'm pretty cute guy. And if that dude has anything on me, I'll slap him right in the face, I don't care."
"She'll just be like, 'I'm hungry, I'm hungry, I want some toast.'"
"Well, I guess, you can't put it in the wrong hole like twenty five times in a row..."
"I'm not conceited or anything, but I know I'm a pretty cute guy. People that look like us, I mean, I don't know about you, but sometimes I manipulate people."
"A female lion? All I'm gonna say is that lion is either gonna hate me or love me when it's all done."
"No. That's a fucking marsupial."
"Here, you need to release some of that anger... take this fifty cents and see if you can beat my high score in pinball."
"Then my brother said that they were going to try to have another kid, and I was like 'why the fuck would you do that', I didn't even know people had kids on purpose before that."
"Okay, so basically what you're saying is that it isn't okay to tell people that their girlfriend gave me a blow job. Even if it's true?"
"So I can tell her to just get her own toast?"
"Taze me now, taze me."
"Okay, but if it charges at me? I'm kicking it. I don't care if it's rabid or not."
"It's funny. You've been buying me drinks all night and I just gave you fifty cents to play pinball. That's awesome."