"Yeah. Can I get a Captain and coke? But, listen, can you make it kinda strong?"
Yes, yes I can. For the three extra fucking dollars it costs to pour you a double. Or? I can do a high pour, and make you think it's a long pour. Because, you know, I'm a dick like that.
I mean, really, if you would have tipped more than 50 fucking cents on any drink that you ordered so far this evening, I might consider pouring a little bit extra.
But since you have tipped 50 fucking cents on every single order?
Whether I rang in $1.50 or 10.50?
I will raise the bottle all the way to the ceiling, still doing a 3 count, and you will buy the "I made it extra strong for you" bullshit, even though you just told me that you used to work at a bar, somewhere, sometime...
I mean, I don't hate you as a person... I hate the idea of you, and every one of YOU that I deal with on a daily basis.
"Hey! It's this asshole's 21st birthday. What kind of shot are you gonna buy him?"
You buy him a shot, and then?
I will be happy to buy a shot for the guy.
However? I do not understand this whole entitlement thing that people have about their birthdays.
. Do not ever, ever, ask the bartender to buy anyone anything.
I will, because it's someone's birthday, right?
But if someone walks into my bar and doesn't pay for a fucking thing, tip aside; there is no way in Hell I'm gonna buy the first shot.
If you tell me it's someone's birthday? I'll be happy to buy them a shot. If you EXPECT me to buy a shot, however, just because you happened to be born on this date 21 years ago?
People are born every fucking day that didn't ask to be born.
You are a jack off.
I understand drunk people.
They piss me off sometimes.
I usually forgive them, let it go, because they are fucked up and all that... right?
If you just happen to be that one guy?
Whose first name starts with Jeff?
Don't come into my bar and try to order a drink after 2AM.
Because, yes, I did call last call.
And yes, I am still serving until 3.
Unless you happen to be that guy.
Whose first name starts with Jeff...
Just so you know, if you're that dude?
You can come into my bar at 10PM and I will still say, "Shit man, I'm sorry. I already called last call." Because really?
I fucking hate you.