02 November 2012

Knock It Off

"So, what's good?"
Tequila is awesome. I love it.
Most people? 
Not so much. 
Some people really, really hate tequila.
Please figure out what the hell you like. 
You're the only one that can.

 "Can I have a Corona with a lime?"
Corona comes with a lime.
If you don't ask for a lime, you're going to get one anyway.
Knock it off.

"What? You need my ID? I come here all the time."
Fucking super, kid.
Now show me your ID or get the Hell out.

"Can I get a red-headed slut?"
One? Just one red-headed slut?
Actually, there is nothing wrong with ordering a red-headed slut... I just really really fucking HATE making them.
Especially one at a time.

Also, please, please stop asking me what the specials are while you are staring at the giant neon specials board behind me. 
Unless you really can't read?
I want to hit you with something heavy.

And in closing, I realize I am only a bartender and therefore must be some sort of drooling fucking idiot...
But I swear to you,  can handle more than one order at a time.
DO NOT order three shots, wait for me to make them and then order two more, wait for those and order a beer. I really, really want to throw things at you.


  1. Alcohol causes temporary dementia, which is as annoying as repeating "No, not until 6:30." for one hundred time in one hour after being asked: "Is it time for "Wheel of Fortune?" over and over and over.....

  2. I have been in bars that wouldn't give me my lime with a corona. I suspected foul play and citrus pilfering by the staff though.

  3. We're not even allowed to say "Tequila" in our house.