04 October 2013

Government Shuts Down Stupid Shit Just to Confuse Krissy, Probably

First of all, I’d like to say, I don’t care how you feel about the ACA, or which political party you support.  I’ve heard any and every single argument for and against the Obamacare, from the valid to the ridiculous. This entry isn’t about the actual ACA. I’m no expert on the way the government works, really… So it is possible that my utter bewilderment on a few matters could be due to simple ignorance. Even so, here’s my version of an expert opinion on this government shutdown and its various ramifications.

1.   The United States is currently governed by really large eight-year olds who skipped their ADD meds, probably.
I feel comfortable offering this as an expert opinion because I have an eight-year old. I’m not certain, but I’m guessing she has ADD, because the kid can only focus on a single thing at a time. Also she has the most irritating habit of asking for shit, over and over and over again.

Even when she knows there is no way in Hell I’m going to let her drive the car, she will elevate an argument to the point where I almost consider it. Instead of dropping the argument for a later time when she could possibly win it and focusing on something she could win now, she keeps going until Mommy and Daddy start binge-drinking.

This is the same thing, essentially, as what is happening in our government right now.
Can we repeal Obamacare now?
How about now?
Now?
C’mon mom, what about now?
GODDAMMN IT IF YOU ASK ME ONE MORE TIME…
Okay. Well. How about now then?
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! WHERE IS THE TEQUILA?
We are going to continue to vote on repealing the ACA, even though we KNOW absolutely, that there is no way the vote will ever have enough support to pass the Senate and there’s no way in Hell we could get it passed a veto.
Because… We’re making a point damn it! We could probably save one of these 42 votes for a later date and move on to other issues.
But nope, because fuck you, we get paid whether we do a damn thing or not.

2.   Aforementioned eight-year olds are spiteful little bastards whose parents never beat them.
The partial shutdown of the government can be illustrated, once again, using my daughter as an example. Well, sort of anyway. Except this time, picture me as another eight-year old.
Realizing that there is no way she’s going to get to drive the car, my eight-year old hides my wallet, because if she can’t get drive the car, no one is going to drive the car.
Go ahead Mom, drive until the gas runs out. Good luck getting more. He he he. You can have it back when I get to drive, and if you won’t ever let me drive? I will burn this mother-fucker down.
Fine. Keep the wallet. I don’t care. You are not driving.
Oh. Um. Wait. I’ll give you a little bit of money. For, like food and stuff.
Sounds good. You’re still not driving.
Oh. Shit. Well, we should probably feed the baby too, right?
Oh, no you don’t. I’m so tired of this bullshit. If you’re not going to agree to drop this whole thing, then I’m not agreeing to a single thing.
**Hungry baby is heard crying in the background

Of course that's a fairly simplicated example of the whole picture… but you get my drift as applied to the government, right?

3.   All of the bratty, ADD eight-years are girls.
So now that my kid has my wallet and I won’t let her drive and the baby is hungry, we should absolutely take the time to…Let the whole neighborhood in on this shit, because girls really like attention. They also want to make sure that everyone knows that nothing about the current situation is their fault.

When my eight-year old gets mad at me, she calls my mom and tattles. She doesn’t tell her why I took away her iPod; just that I did. She doesn’t mention that I told her five million times, at least, not to go into anyone’s house without telling me first. Nope, she just tattles and then sits back and waits for the wrath of Grammie to rain down.

I’m not even entirely talking relating Grammie to the media right now. I’ve been doing a lot of freelance writing in the last few weeks. Ad copy really, but I still have to look certain things up. I get the concept of non-essential departments being shut down to preserve the monies available until this whole budget thing is resolved.

I was utterly baffled however, when I was unable to access government websites for information. I’m assuming that redirecting the closed departments of the government to the Department of the Interior saves tons of funds since they are updated continuously on an hourly basis maybe. Or maybe they are saving the webhosting fees?

 I don’t know where the money comes from to provide government websites and hosting and shit, but I’m assuming they don’t pay the fees on a daily basis. Even if they did, they’d still have to being paying the fees for the website to display its current notice: 




Otherwise known as, “We don’t know what the fuck this has to do with the budget shut down thingy, but we figured we’d put it up here, just in case someone hasn’t heard how mean my mommy is.” Or something to that affect.


4 comments:

  1. Before the enrolling period, I perused a site that took my income, my marital status and crunched the numbers. The number was so shockingly high, my asshole slammed shut.

    I don't see how anyone with a job will enroll. There's no criminal penalty for not enrolling and the penalty is a penance compared to the cost of mandated insurance.

    Meanwhile, those that came up with this brilliant idea won't admit they didn't read what they voted for. If it was mortgage, I'd have their home, their assets and the hand in marriage of their first born daughter.

    All I can think is "dumbasses".

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  2. It has nothing to do with the budget shutdown thingy. Just like spending money to put up barricades and armed guards around an open memorial for WWII vets has nothing to do with the budget shutdown. This is nothing but spite and hatred from this administration towards anyone who dares oppose their unbridled lust for absolute control over...well, eventually, everything.

    Do a bit of research and see how much more time, money and effort the White House is purposely spending to 'close' places that are completely independent of any significant government involvement. You're right, it's a temper tantrum--but it's being thrown by the Brat-In-Chief and his handlers, not those who simply want the government to fuck right off from things it has no business getting involved in anyway.

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  3. Total temper tantrum! elections have consequences.

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  4. Love, love, love the analogy. And can't understand why so many are still so upset with the program when it has been working great since the first phases were put in place.

    I am a cancer patient and have received the benefits of the first stages of the program. A couple years ago a friend of mine who's wife had a brain tumor was put into humongous debt and had to sell their home. The companies crazy expensive insurance had a $40,000. per year cap. The rest of the bill was theirs and it was a really big bill.

    I received my diagnosis at Thanksgiving weekend, one hell of a holiday celebration. I had a rare form of breast cancer. I had paid my premiums faithfully. Still I was as afraid of what this would do to my family, whether I survived or not. I have seen first hand so many horror stories that I considered forgoing treatment. We are not well off.

    I have friends who live in their children's basement because of Uteran cancer. And another friend who's father died from cancer leaving his wife and family with nothing because the insurance company called Chemo experimental (just a very few years ago). Really?

    Anyway, thanks to new laws my insurance company could not cap me off, when my diagnosis was late in the year they could not say I had to repay my gynormous deductible and any self/co-pay fees. Even though I had an extremely rare cancer they couldn't pick and choose what they would pay for. They couldn't rule out conventional methods of treatment for lame reasons.

    My insurance company did up my premium but they couldn't cancel me like they all used to when ever a customer got cancer. And the increase was limited so I could still pay it. I have debt I will be paying for years but I am able to pay that too. I was able to get through this experience without having to spend the whole time living in fear of surviving the "cost" of my diagnosis. Therefore I was able to concentrate on the healing process and I did. I should have a long and healthy life. They must also continue to treat my follow up (the 5 years of blood tests and mammograms for most breast cancer patients) as part of the original diagnosis and not as elective tests (uncovered).

    We didn't loose our home. If fact at the end of my insurance companies fiscal year, turns out they took in more money than they could reasonably spend on patient care (80%) and (20%) on administration fees (including fat exec bonuses) so they had to issue overage refunds to their customers.

    Most importantly none of those benefits cost anybody (except some exec an even bigger bonus) anything. They simply required the insurance company do exactly what they get paid for! So maybe we should all stop treating the elective process like it's a football game our side has to win and start using some logic, reason and "Real" information. All of the "true" details of the plan are available through the Fed's website. Without all the emotional manipulation and fear mongering. Let's try having each others backs, stop throwing our neighbors under the bus, so our side can win. And keep a sense of humor about life. It is far too precious!!!!!!!!!!

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