16 December 2013

Yes You Can Hire Us To Remove Your Snow Too

The last few winter storms have dumped a fair amount of snow on our area.
Every time I leave the house, I see people outside in the bitter cold, plowing, snow blowing, and shoveling. They are sprinkling salt on their walkways, and digging their cars out of the piles of snow left behind by the city plows.

Silly, silly, people.

Shoveling is dangerous. People have heart attacks, throw their backs out, get lost and die of hypothermia. So, I avoid shoveling. And, cold? I hate cold.
It probably would be a good idea to shovel the sidewalk. But I am not going to do it. Instead, I send the kids out the door first, so they can trample some of it down for me. Why? Because the kids have snow boots. I do not have snow boots. I have tennis shoes. Plus, they are kids. Kids love snow, so even if they fall in it, they think it is great fun.

The driveway is a whole other matter. I suppose I could send the kids out to trample that snow too, but it would probably be frowned upon. Some people just do not agree with sending the kids out to play in the street. So, instead, I let the car get nice and warm, pile the kids in it and drive over the mound of snow left by the snowplows. Yes, in my minivan. It is not always as easy as it sounds. Sometimes there is a fair amount of rocking back and forth, and sometimes one needs a fairly big running start. After the first few times, though, provided there is no new snowfall, the mound of driven over snow turns into a giant sheet of ice.

Now, and only now, do I sprinkle salt on the ice. The salt melts the ice (mostly) and the rest of the week is a breeze...unless it snows again. In which case, I find myself almost completely screwed. Because the ice is now under the new snow, and salt or no salt, the tires spin and spin and spin. I am not a quitter though, and usually after no longer than twenty to thirty minutes of spinning my tires they burn through the ice to the pavement below and we are mobile once again.

Pulling into the driveway requires several techniques. Usually I back into my
neighbor's (plowed) driveway to get a good running start and I don't let off the gas until I am all the way in. We usually end up a little bit sideways, and sometimes almost completely sideways, but the kids think it is a fantastic game.

Since I have an aversion to cold, and wet, and snow, and mostly cold...this is the closest the children are going to get to sledding with Mommy.

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