04 October 2013

Government Shuts Down Stupid Shit Just to Confuse Krissy, Probably

First of all, I’d like to say, I don’t care how you feel about the ACA, or which political party you support.  I’ve heard any and every single argument for and against the Obamacare, from the valid to the ridiculous. This entry isn’t about the actual ACA. I’m no expert on the way the government works, really… So it is possible that my utter bewilderment on a few matters could be due to simple ignorance. Even so, here’s my version of an expert opinion on this government shutdown and its various ramifications.

1.   The United States is currently governed by really large eight-year olds who skipped their ADD meds, probably.
I feel comfortable offering this as an expert opinion because I have an eight-year old. I’m not certain, but I’m guessing she has ADD, because the kid can only focus on a single thing at a time. Also she has the most irritating habit of asking for shit, over and over and over again.

Even when she knows there is no way in Hell I’m going to let her drive the car, she will elevate an argument to the point where I almost consider it. Instead of dropping the argument for a later time when she could possibly win it and focusing on something she could win now, she keeps going until Mommy and Daddy start binge-drinking.

This is the same thing, essentially, as what is happening in our government right now.
Can we repeal Obamacare now?
How about now?
Now?
C’mon mom, what about now?
GODDAMMN IT IF YOU ASK ME ONE MORE TIME…
Okay. Well. How about now then?
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! WHERE IS THE TEQUILA?
We are going to continue to vote on repealing the ACA, even though we KNOW absolutely, that there is no way the vote will ever have enough support to pass the Senate and there’s no way in Hell we could get it passed a veto.
Because… We’re making a point damn it! We could probably save one of these 42 votes for a later date and move on to other issues.
But nope, because fuck you, we get paid whether we do a damn thing or not.

2.   Aforementioned eight-year olds are spiteful little bastards whose parents never beat them.
The partial shutdown of the government can be illustrated, once again, using my daughter as an example. Well, sort of anyway. Except this time, picture me as another eight-year old.
Realizing that there is no way she’s going to get to drive the car, my eight-year old hides my wallet, because if she can’t get drive the car, no one is going to drive the car.
Go ahead Mom, drive until the gas runs out. Good luck getting more. He he he. You can have it back when I get to drive, and if you won’t ever let me drive? I will burn this mother-fucker down.
Fine. Keep the wallet. I don’t care. You are not driving.
Oh. Um. Wait. I’ll give you a little bit of money. For, like food and stuff.
Sounds good. You’re still not driving.
Oh. Shit. Well, we should probably feed the baby too, right?
Oh, no you don’t. I’m so tired of this bullshit. If you’re not going to agree to drop this whole thing, then I’m not agreeing to a single thing.
**Hungry baby is heard crying in the background

Of course that's a fairly simplicated example of the whole picture… but you get my drift as applied to the government, right?

3.   All of the bratty, ADD eight-years are girls.
So now that my kid has my wallet and I won’t let her drive and the baby is hungry, we should absolutely take the time to…Let the whole neighborhood in on this shit, because girls really like attention. They also want to make sure that everyone knows that nothing about the current situation is their fault.

When my eight-year old gets mad at me, she calls my mom and tattles. She doesn’t tell her why I took away her iPod; just that I did. She doesn’t mention that I told her five million times, at least, not to go into anyone’s house without telling me first. Nope, she just tattles and then sits back and waits for the wrath of Grammie to rain down.

I’m not even entirely talking relating Grammie to the media right now. I’ve been doing a lot of freelance writing in the last few weeks. Ad copy really, but I still have to look certain things up. I get the concept of non-essential departments being shut down to preserve the monies available until this whole budget thing is resolved.

I was utterly baffled however, when I was unable to access government websites for information. I’m assuming that redirecting the closed departments of the government to the Department of the Interior saves tons of funds since they are updated continuously on an hourly basis maybe. Or maybe they are saving the webhosting fees?

 I don’t know where the money comes from to provide government websites and hosting and shit, but I’m assuming they don’t pay the fees on a daily basis. Even if they did, they’d still have to being paying the fees for the website to display its current notice: 




Otherwise known as, “We don’t know what the fuck this has to do with the budget shut down thingy, but we figured we’d put it up here, just in case someone hasn’t heard how mean my mommy is.” Or something to that affect.