tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-59671758219766636632024-03-16T02:07:50.731-05:00Krissy's AbsurdityNames have been changed to protect the innocent. And also the guilty. Mostly from prosecution. But also from involuntary commitment.Krissyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02276111209044069618noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967175821976663663.post-88466764592374252912023-01-19T01:38:00.001-06:002023-01-19T01:38:44.960-06:00My Brother, My Greatest TeacherWhen I was asked to write something in remembrance for my brother, I immediately agreed. How hard, I thought, can it possibly be to stand up and say a bunch of great things about one of the best men I’ve ever known? As it turns out the words big enough, important enough or profound enough do not exist to express the love and respect I have for Jason. Jason was my big brother. He was my Krissyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02276111209044069618noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967175821976663663.post-12857130003381383642023-01-19T01:32:00.002-06:002023-01-19T01:32:13.753-06:00KenseyKensey was so much more than my best friend. He was my family. He was so much a daily part of my life that I was absolutely lost when he died. This is the eulogy I tried to read at his celebration of life. I cried and I talked too fast and no one could actually hear my words. I think it might have been the night of the blizzard when Kens told me, “Of course that’s a horrible idea, but Krissyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02276111209044069618noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967175821976663663.post-92206066039847626842018-08-28T02:23:00.010-05:002022-10-13T21:40:38.515-05:00What Cancer Really IsCancer is an uncontrolled division of abnormal cells which results in disease, says Google.
Google can't feel.
Cancer is so much more.
It's regret for every harsh word spoken, for everything left unspoken and for every moment taken for granted, or worse, not taken at all.
It's hope and fear all swirled together in a strange black hole that settles somewhere between my stomach and spine.
It'sKrissyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02276111209044069618noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967175821976663663.post-76364409395431943492015-12-31T16:27:00.004-06:002023-01-12T19:46:11.588-06:00My Grandfather's Wife
My grandfather sat in a chair near her bed, resting
his head on their joined hands. After some time he stood. He smoothed the hair
from her forehead and kissed it gently. He just stood there then, for what seemed like a long while. I could tell he didn’t want to leave her and I felt a bit guilty
for witnessing such a private moment. When he finally did leave the hospital
roomKrissyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02276111209044069618noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967175821976663663.post-61158278120107053932014-04-18T21:01:00.042-05:002022-10-13T22:03:42.308-05:00Dear New York, Much Safer Now
Dear New York,
I'm writing to express my heartfelt appreciation of the knee-jerk legislation you passed back in January of 2013.
I appreciate your efforts to define the term "assault rifle." You seem to have narrowed it down, once again, to firearms that either look scary, or have certain features that absolutely in no way affect the mechanical aspect of a firearm. Congrats, probably it'll Krissyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02276111209044069618noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967175821976663663.post-26967824960428826122014-02-06T20:27:00.002-06:002023-01-18T21:42:12.060-06:00Cracked.com Rewrite: 7 Female Behaviors That Baffle Men: Explained by KrissyI came across this article on Cracked.com, 7 Female Behaviors That Baffle Men(Explained!) Now, admittedly, the author is probably right about most of them, I'm not a doctor so I can't say for sure...but. I can think of a few more realistic explanations for female behaviors.
1. Going to the bathroom in groups.
The author says something about all the girls going pee at the same time because a lullKrissyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02276111209044069618noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967175821976663663.post-53149597623332714462013-12-13T08:02:00.000-06:002023-01-18T21:42:20.046-06:00Animal Planet Producers Hate You
I've discussed Animal Planet programming before. The following 7 examples offer proof of the sadistic nature of the programmers:
Let’s say you’re a bartender or a cab driver or drug dealer
or something, working the night shift. You come home exhausted and fall into
bed. Since you aren’t interested in falling asleep to the lull of Proactive
infomercials, you locate the remote and flip to the Krissyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02276111209044069618noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967175821976663663.post-86805683226625971732013-11-24T13:09:00.017-06:002023-01-18T21:47:20.013-06:00Walmart, Poverty, and the Square Root of Pie in AmericaWalmart is probably owned and operated by Satan. If not evil, certainly they are morally wrong for not paying their employees a livable wage.
If claims that up to 80 percent of their employees receive food stamps are
true, that means that over 1.1 million of them are on government assistance. If I hear one more “I work so welfare
recipients don’t have to” statement, I’m going to fucking Krissyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02276111209044069618noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967175821976663663.post-17680126178540983392013-04-04T15:00:00.002-05:002023-01-18T21:49:55.247-06:00I Collect Broken People
Everyone has lost someone they loved. Everyone has had their heart broken.
When John* died though, it kind of broke my soul.
I have this memory of him in high school. It was one of those trust-building field trips, with all the ropes and games and shit.
And a climbing wall.
My most vivid memory from high school is watching John as he flew up that wall.
He made it look effortless, Krissyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02276111209044069618noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967175821976663663.post-85058723276234536282013-01-25T21:57:00.012-06:002023-01-18T21:54:17.320-06:00Goddamn I Miss You
I didn’t want to go. I
couldn’t not go. I had no desire to see my friend Terry laid in his
coffin, but I felt that I owed him at least one more visit. One last chance to say
goodbye and apologize for dropping the ball. I hadn’t seen him in six months
or so. I hadn’t even called him. The thought that dominates my drive to
the funeral home. I’m so sorry Terry. I guess I dropped the Krissyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02276111209044069618noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967175821976663663.post-87063450637602092742012-12-15T16:56:00.002-06:002023-01-18T21:54:41.347-06:00That's All I Can Say
Babies. Just babies.
Shit.
Charlotte, 6
Daniel, 7
Olivia, 6
Josephine, 7
Ana, 6
Dylan, 6
Madeleine, 6
Catherine, 6
Chase, 7
Jesse, 6
James, 6
Grace, 7
Emilie Parker, 6
Jack, 6
Noah, 6
Caroline, 6
Jessica, 6
Avielle, 6
Benjamin, 6
Allison, 6
Lauren Russeau, 30
Mary Sherlach, Krissyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02276111209044069618noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967175821976663663.post-12213339338612835732012-09-09T16:47:00.002-05:002023-08-22T18:38:28.409-05:00So you want to be a bar owner, huh?
There are a few things one has to have in order to own and operate a successful bar.
First and foremost, testicles.
Meaning that you have to be willing to face conflict, fire people and be assertive.
If you can't?
You have no business owning a bar.
If you can not pay your employees?
You probably shouldn't be paying out $200-400 a night for your entertainment.
If the bar is in a small Krissyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02276111209044069618noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967175821976663663.post-91739940847898290142012-07-19T20:07:00.009-05:002023-01-18T21:58:48.945-06:00Rest Easy
We were kids together.
The 4 of us, mostly, because Jay was so much older.
Road trips with Grandma.
God, we must have driven her insane.
Those damn trees, remember?
"Look at the pretty trees..."
She talked about them the whole way down to Indy.
It was payback, probably for the bouncy balls and the gum in her car's carpet.
For the cigarette butts behind her garage.
Remember how she Krissyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02276111209044069618noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967175821976663663.post-44886476567906896362012-06-15T18:28:00.000-05:002023-01-19T10:47:47.339-06:00Holy Crack in a Bottle...
Redbull does not give me wings. Redbull does not phase me. Products containing ephedra don't do a damn thing for me. I live on five hour energy and Monster energy drinks.
That sign that says, "maximum of seven sugars with coffee" at McDonald's? I probably inspired it.
Three shots of espresso in a small coffee with ten sugars just barely gets my motivation motor running.
I have an Krissyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02276111209044069618noreply@blogger.com10